Fitting in is something that just doesn’t seem to come easily to me and in many ways I am very grateful for that shortfall if indeed it is a shortfall.
I’m a doggy person without fitting in with the dog scene, a horsey person without ever being one of the horsey set. I am self employed business person who considers herself a business person through necessity.
I am a dog walker who doesn’t see becoming a dog trainer as an upgrade and an artist who doesn’t want to go full time.
I never quite knew who I would fall in love with, if indeed I would and as for children it never really fit. I am very nurturing and there was talk of me having triplets when I was a child myself ( oriental child, coloured child and an orang-utan! Sorry if that is somewhat inappropriate) however I was very unlikely to have ever become a mother.
I fell in love and don’t want to marry, which is just as well because my partner wouldn’t marry me ( haha). Indeed my mam has always threatened to show her bare bottom in Fenwicks window if I ever marry. We stay in a relationship because we want to be there. Our expectations are few, our financial joint commitments are chosen ones. Yes of course there are implications for me in time however this was and is a mutually agreed decision.
So why am I writing this on my blog? Because in many ways I aspire to have that relationship with our animals and my animals.
Why aspire? Well can I ever truly achieve it? I control, we control so much of their lives that I genuinely don’t believe I can achieve a complete mutually beneficial relationship where no one is getting more from the relationship from the other. However I can aim for as close as I can get.
Maybe I do have one relationship that is very close to an absolute ‘pure’ relationship! Bathtub the barn cat. At present he is free to mate, leave, come, share his life with me and I chose to have no control over this at present. Yes I feed him and medicate when he needs it however he is free to do as he pleases. It’s tough on me, I feel I can’t keep him safe and I have the moral argument of having an entire male cat roaming the countryside producing more feral cats. I feel once that decision is made I’ve tipped the balance towards ownership. It’s an important lesson for me. He has a hard, fearful wonderful life at present.
It brings me back chillingly to a man I used to know. He taught me many things and some I wish with all my heart he hadn’t. One of the things he made me face, which I wasn’t ready to face was the morality of keeping animals. Now I do face it and feel the weight of responsibility heavily. Yes any of you who see my photos and see what I get up to know how much I adore and revel in my guys yet I know, that much I expect from them, is tough. Flute is a great example, I limit him every single day. He would live and die by the hunt and I spend my days with him trying to avoid that shocking truth. Tipsy well I feel we have a great compromise in life though he would definitely chose more and more frequent everything and who can blame him.
So whilst I ponder about and seek that impossible goal, go give the guys and gals an extra walk or indeed let them chose what they do next. In fact I believe I just saw one of my customers led to the pub by their very insightful cockerpoo, how could she have possibly known that was just the perfect boxing day activity haha?